There’s a fairly good opportunity your hookup will begin (and end) here

We’ve explained frat rush. We’ve explained srat rush. Now, we’re describing another painfully confusing and time intensive procedure that types area of the backbone of Columbia pupil life: the hookup tradition. This post is just a satirical description of this culture, as grasped by a second-semester sophomore who’s in the asexual range, simply got out of a severe long-distance relationship, and has now yet to attach with anybody at Columbia.

Barney Stinson as soon as stated that a relationship is similar to a freeway; when you log on to, you can find designated exits at very very carefully predetermined intervals that are periodic. This analogy appears only a little simplistic and an arbitrary that is little the genuine world – which means it is ideal for Columbia. right Here, I present the seven exits for the Columbia hookup highway.

1. One night:

You meet somebody at a celebration, or match together with them on Tinder, or have actually a second of extremely romantic attention contact across Ferris during top dinner hour (the initial two choices are greatly predisposed). You take part in some type or form of sexual activity (definitions rely on anyone). You extricate your self www.camsloveaholics.com/sexcamly-review/ instantly afterwards and grab some halal, then start walking faster casually once you see them on campus. About 65% of prospective couples – the vast majority – only survive this long.

2. 3 days:

After the party/Tinder/Ferris pasta experience, you remain the and exchange phone numbers night. You are going down for coffee a short time later on, you then or they decide that is an adequate amount of a relationship for at least the the following month. You never text one another once more, then purposefully take a seat on contrary edges associated with the space once you unavoidably land in a seminar together senior 12 months. About 12% of possible partners survive this long.

3. a week . 5:

This really is the stop that is same three times; it simply took you much much longer to own that 2nd date as a result of your and your hookup’s exhaustively busy schedules. About 8% of possible couples survive this long.

4. A month:

The very first two rounds of intercourse (usually one drunk, one perhaps perhaps perhaps not drunk) are reasonably effective and also you don’t have major midterms for a number of weeks, which means you try a few more dates with the individual. It seems pretty ideal for a whilst, mostly because you’re having regular sex and occasionally don’t have to pay for your personal beverages, but will eventually end up in 3 to 4 months as you feel much more comfortable investing in a summer time internship application than a genuine living, breathing being that is human. About 10percent of partners survive this long.

5. One semester:

You determine to place it away and commit. Your partner wil attract, smart, good during sex, in a position to get in to the most useful EC events, and contains an aunt working at a effective business in your industry of option – in other terms, anything you want away from a relationship. After two months, though, you understand that we now have a lot of other appealing, smart, etc. individuals at Columbia, therefore the odds of you unintentionally kissing one of those while blacked down at 1020 are more than the likelihood of you continue to planning to get coffee with all the person that is same summer time break. The breakup is shared, and followed closely by a complex a number of intends to make certain you should never be within the exact same town block as the ex again. About 4% of couples survive this long.

6. 2 yrs:

You truly think here is the One – the main one it is possible to stay to fairly share a double sleep with every week-end evening as you hate your roomie exactly that much, that is. But after 2 yrs, you understand they didn’t laugh at that one Orgo Night joke, and have they always snored that loudly, and… it’s just not worth it any more that you probably won’t end up in the same city as this person after graduation, and. A lot of the same friends, so the breakup permanently ruptures your social life for the rest of college about 2% of couples (half of which are Barnard wlw couples formed during NSOP) survive this long – and by this long, you and your significant other probably share. You you should consider transferring.

7. Death:

If you can get really, actually fortunate (or perhaps you delude your self actually, very well), someplace at Columbia, you’ll find the individual with that you want to purchase a house in Westchester, raise 1.5 kids, to get purchase matching gravestones. The portion of partners whom survive this long is merely 1%, however their children often enter into Columbia! (For proof, we provide the couple that is only this category whom i understand: my friend’s parents.)